Finding Strength by Facing Your Loss
- Martin Foster
- Nov 11
- 4 min read
Have you ever had a moment where you look around and everything you thought was solid just… crumbled? That feeling of the bottom dropping out is universal, yet when it happens to you, it feels completely isolating and unique. We all hit what we call "rock bottom" at some point in our lives, that confusing, devastating point where everything seems hopeless and your dreams have evaporated.
Rock bottom isn't always a slow slide, either. Sometimes it hits suddenly, like a relationship breakdown or being made redundant. Other times, it's a slow, quiet accumulation of stress, like worsening mental health or debt building up over years. Whatever the cause, whether it's financial, emotional, or a major life transition, the feelings can leave you feeling lost, angry, or like a complete failure.
But here’s the thing I want you to know: you are absolutely not alone. The very bottom is actually where your healing journey begins.
💔 When Loss Feels Like Grief
When life hands you a massive setback, the emotion that washes over you often feels like grief. Think about Bill, the hero of the story in my book, “The Rock Bottom Paradox”. When his 15-year marriage ended abruptly, he was devastated and caught completely off guard, experiencing deep sadness.
Yet, Bill initially struggled to use the word 'grief,' because he thought it only applied to death. He felt like his pain wasn't valid compared to someone mourning a person. This is a common mistake.
Grief is simply the natural process you go through after any significant loss. It's about acknowledging that something cherished is over, gone, or changed, and that hurts.
That loss could be anything:
A relationship, like a divorce or friendship ending.
A dream you held for years.
Your job or career identity.
Your comfortable financial standing or even your health.
You might even find yourself grieving a future you thought you were going to have, just as Nicholas did after the credit crunch. Acknowledging that what you are feeling is genuine loss is the first powerful step towards healing.
⚖️ The Messy Path to Acceptance
Once you acknowledge that you are, in fact, grieving a loss, you start moving through the process. A therapist, as Bill learned, can shine a light on this path. The healing journey is not a straight line; it's often messy, with stages that can happen in any order—or even all at once.
The seven stages of grief include:
Shock and Denial: That initial feeling of utter disbelief, sometimes accompanied by physical symptoms like nausea or numbness.
Pain and Guilt: When the reality hits, bringing emotional pain and the 'what ifs' where you blame yourself.
Anger and Bargaining: A natural outpouring of anger directed at yourself, others, or the situation, sometimes paired with desperate 'if only' thoughts.
Depression, Loneliness, and Reflection: The reality fully sinks in, leading to deep sadness, a desire to withdraw, and a lot of inner reflection.
The Upward Turn: Emotions become less dominant, and your thoughts begin to shift away from what you can't change.
Reconstruction: You start feeling more control over your life and your circumstances again.
Acceptance and Hope: The final, vital stage. This is where you can acknowledge what happened without falling apart, feeling ready to move forward with optimism.
The key is to realise that grief isn't about forgetting or getting over it; it's about acceptance. It's accepting that the past is the past, and this present moment is your new normal. This acceptance lays the foundation for literally everything that comes next.
🛠️ Action Items: Your First Steps
The process starts with you. You cannot control what has already happened, but you hold complete control over your future. By facing the pain head-on, you turn your feelings of loss into an unexpected source of strength.
Here are a few small, immediate steps you can take to begin establishing that powerful foundation of acceptance:
1. Validate Your Pain
Stop telling yourself “It’s not that bad" or "other people have it worse". Acknowledge the loss for exactly what it is, whether it's financial ruin or just the loss of a routine. Allow yourself to feel the feelings—sadness, anger, fear—without judgement. This simple act is essential for healing.
2. Identify Your Stage
Take a moment to check in: Which of the seven stages resonates most strongly with you right now? Knowing this helps you stop fighting the natural process. If you’re angry, acknowledge it. If you’re in denial, acknowledge it. Awareness is power, giving you a chance to course-correct before it derails your day.
3. Find a Confidant
Isolation breeds negativity. Whether it’s a friend, family member, support group, or a professional therapist, find someone you can talk to honestly. Talking openly about your feelings and accepting support provides immense relief and helps normalise what you’re experiencing.
4. Focus on the Present
When you're at rock bottom, it's easy to get fixated on the past (the loss) or the future (the fear). To start the upward climb, you must focus on accepting and engaging with the present. Ground yourself by focusing on a small task you can complete right now and let everything else wait until tomorrow.
🌟 Your Climb Starts Now
Right now, you might be feeling overwhelmed. That’s okay. But please remember this truth: You are in control of your response, and you are not alone. Rock bottom, in a strange paradox, is the solid foundation on which you will rebuild your new life.
Accept the present, validate your pain, and begin collecting the tools for your personal blueprint. Once you accept what is, you're truly ready to build the life you desire. Your climb begins now.
I'm an advocate for a clear mindset and self-belief—the very things you'll need to turn adversity into opportunity, just like we did.
If you're feeling stuck, please know that reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. You can find more practical mindset tools and support programs on our website extraordinarymillionaire.com
Ready to start building your personal blueprint?
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