Running on Empty? How to Reclaim Your Energy and Identity at The Extraordinary Millionaire
- Martin Foster
- Nov 29
- 5 min read
The Trap of Being "The Rock"
How often have you found yourself running on absolute fumes? You know the feeling I’m talking about. You are the "go-to" person at work who solves everyone’s problems. You are the rock for your family, the organiser for your friends, the one who keeps all the plates spinning.
We wear this busyness like a badge of honour. In our culture, and certainly on professional platforms like LinkedIn, we are conditioned to believe that our value is determined by how much we do for others. We measure our worth by how well we fulfil our roles: the diligent manager, the supportive partner, the tireless parent.
But let me ask you a question, and I want you to be honest with yourself: If you are doing everything for everyone else, who is looking out for you?
In my Extraordinary Millionaire course, 52 Weeks from Rock Bottom to Extraordinary, I tackle a subject that makes many of us uncomfortable: the necessity of becoming your own priority. It sounds counterintuitive, perhaps even self-indulgent. But as I learned through my own journey, it is actually the foundation of everything else.
The "Oxygen Mask" Moment
I used to be that person who defined himself entirely by external roles. I was the provider, the boss, the husband, the father. My logic seemed sound at the time: I believed that if I could just make sure everyone around me was happy and satisfied, then I would naturally be happy too.
It sounds noble, doesn’t it? But here is the hard truth I had to learn the hard way: You cannot control another person’s happiness. No matter how hard you work, how much you sacrifice, or how much you wish it were so, you are not responsible for anyone else’s internal state. You are only responsible for your own.
When I hit my own "rock bottom", that moment where the ground fell out from beneath me, I realised I had lost a huge part of my identity. Without those roles to prop me up, I felt lost, directionless, and empty. I had given so much of myself away that there was nothing left for me.
My therapist at the time gave me a simple analogy that changed my life. It’s a cliché because it’s true: the airline safety demonstration. You know the one. "In the event of an emergency, please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others."
I used to think that concept sounded selfish. Surely, the hero helps others first? But the reality is starker. If you pass out from lack of oxygen, you are no use to anyone. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you want to be a great leader, a loving parent, or a supportive friend, you must first do the work to make yourself happy, healthy, and whole.
Moving from Guilt to Responsibility
Realising this requires a massive shift in mindset. For years, I felt guilty if I took time for myself. I felt that every hour not spent working or serving the family was "wasted."
But self-worth must come from within. It is about taking radical responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. When I stopped blaming myself for how others felt and started addressing my own neglect, things began to turn around.
I realised that neglecting my needs had consequences. If I skipped my meditation, I was "frayed around the edges" and irritable with my team. If I ate poorly, I felt sluggish and made poorer business decisions. By ignoring my own needs, I wasn't being a hero; I was giving the world a lesser version of myself.
My Four Steps to Reclaim Your Priority Status
If you feel like you are constantly at the bottom of your own to-do list, here are my four actionable steps to help you shift the balance.
1. Reframe "Selfishness" as "Essential Maintenance" We need to delete the idea that self-care is a luxury. It isn’t about bubble baths and chocolates (though those are nice). It is about maintenance. Think of yourself like a high-performance vehicle. You wouldn’t drive a Ferrari for 100,000 miles without servicing the engine or changing the oil, would you? Prioritising yourself builds resilience. When you are strong, rested, and centred, you are a more effective human being. Remind yourself daily: This is not selfish; this is strategy.
2. Tune Into Your Body and Mind We are often so disconnected from our bodies that we don’t notice we are running on empty until we crash. Start paying attention to what drains you and what recharges you. For me, rediscovering mindfulness was key to calming a busy mind. For you, it might be a morning run, twenty minutes of reading fiction, or simply sitting in the garden with a coffee. Find what nourishes you. Remember, your mental and physical health are deeply connected. You cannot neglect one without damaging the other.
3. Master the Basics: The Power of Sleep When life gets stressful, sleep is usually the first thing to go. We stay up late "doom-scrolling" or working to catch up. But sleep is the foundation of emotional regulation and cognitive performance. I had to be strict with myself to break bad habits. I implemented a "no screens" rule before bed and created a consistent routine. It sounds simple, but the impact on my mood and clarity was profound. Treat your sleep appointment with the same respect you would treat a meeting with your biggest client.
4. Honour Your Ambitions True self-care goes beyond health; it extends to your life goals. Are you honouring your potential? If you are stuck in a job that drains your soul or a financial situation that causes constant anxiety, you aren't prioritising yourself. Part of becoming your own priority is giving yourself permission to pursue the life you actually want—whether that means upskilling, starting that business you’ve dreamed of, or sorting out your financial independence. As I tell my students, taking control of your financial future is one of the highest forms of self-respect.
The Journey Continues
Becoming your own priority isn't a box you tick once; it is an ongoing practice. I am still learning, still adapting, and still occasionally catching myself trying to fix everyone else’s problems.
But I can promise you this: making that shift was the turning point that allowed me to climb out of the darkness and build an extraordinary life. It allowed me to show up for my family and my business with an energy I didn’t know I had.
Be kind to yourself. If you miss a day of self-care, don’t beat yourself up. Tomorrow is always a new chance to put the mask on first.
If you are ready to stop running on empty and start building a life that truly supports you, I invite you to join me on this journey. My course, 52 Weeks from Rock Bottom to Extraordinary, is designed to walk you through these shifts, week by week, helping you build a foundation of resilience and abundance.
Why not visit my website extraordinarymillionaire.com today to learn more, or book a free discovery call? Let’s make this the year you finally become the protagonist of your own life.
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