Why You Need to Be Selfish to Build an Extraordinary Life
- Martin Foster
- Nov 19
- 3 min read
The term "Extraordinary Millionaire" often makes people think about fast cars and massive bank balances. But here’s the real secret: it’s not about the money. It's about a mental attitude and a methodology for creating a life that encompasses and permeates all areas of life. True wealth starts in the mind.
So, what’s the very first step on this path? It’s something many of us are taught to avoid - being selfish.
Now, hold on a minute. I’m not talking about hurting others or having no consideration for anyone but yourself. I’m talking about a positive, constructive form of selfishness, the kind that allows you to show up as the best version of yourself, not just for you, but for the people you love.
The Problem with Putting Everyone First
Many people, like the character Bill in The Rock Bottom Paradox, spend years measuring their self-worth based on meeting the needs of others. They live their lives as a husband, father, breadwinner, or caregiver, constantly telling themselves, "If they were happy, then I was happy".
The fundamental flaw in this approach is simple: You cannot control someone else's happiness.
When life inevitably throws you a curveball—a divorce, a business failure, or just burnout—your entire identity can come crashing down. You end up feeling lost and directionless because you based your happiness on external roles that suddenly disappeared. This is a dangerous path, often leading people to become tired, worn down, and depressed, as I saw happen to my own mother.
If you neglect the 'self' within, eventually, something must give.
Action Item 1: Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On First
You know the safety demonstration on an airplane: you have to fit your own oxygen mask before helping others. This isn’t a cliché; it’s life advice. You can’t help someone be happy if you’re not happy yourself, and you certainly can’t encourage someone to love you when you don’t love yourself.
Being selfish, in this context, is simply recognising that everything starts with you.
The best way to take care of yourself (mentally, physically, and financially) is to step away from the mindset of working only to make other people rich and start building a more prosperous, abundant life for yourself and your loved ones.
This requires shifting your focus from blame to responsibility. Stop blaming yourself for how others feel. Instead, take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. You control how you react to circumstances and how you move forward.
Action Item 2: Audit Your Self-Care Across All Areas
Prioritising yourself means identifying your needs across various different areas and finding strategies to meet them. It’s easy to focus on one thing (like career) and ignore the rest, but true wealth is holistic.
Your focus should be on:
Mental Health: This includes practices like meditation and mindfulness to maintain a calm, positive frame of mind. Mindfulness is simply being fully aware of the present moment, which you can do anywhere. Even a few minutes of mindful breathing can make a massive difference.
Physical Health: Don't neglect your body. Simple, common-sense habits like moving more throughout the day, parking further from the office, and prioritising sleep are crucial. Good physical health supports a strong mind, and vice versa.
Life and Financial Goals: These are often forgotten when we’re caught in the 'rat race'. If you’re working 60 hours a week to service a large mortgage when having a big status house isn't important to you, you’re not honouring your own values. The path to financial freedom and an extraordinary life must be built on your authentic goals.
Action Item 3: Start a Thought Journal
A simple, practical tool for self-acceptance and self-care is keeping a thought journal.
Jot down relevant insights or quotes that inspire you towards self-acceptance.
Add your own thoughts about what happiness means to you, or affirmations like, "No one else is responsible for my happiness," or "I will make a better life".
Re-read these words regularly. The simple process of writing these down and seeing them often begins to rewire your brain towards self-acceptance and love.
The Extraordinary Result
When you commit to becoming your own priority, you stop being a victim of circumstance and start operating from a position of strength and self-love. You are better able to handle the rough patches, and you attract more abundance into your life.
True wealth is sustainable when it starts in the mind and crystallises purpose and passion. Your journey to becoming an Extraordinary Millionaire begins the moment you give yourself permission to be selfish and start honouring your own needs.
Ready to stop neglecting the person who matters most and start building the life you truly desire?
To dive deeper into the strategies for financial independence and building a genuinely extraordinary life, visit the Extraordinary Millionaire website at www.extraordinarymillioniare.com.
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